This Is Not A Test

A few days ago I received the results from a needle biopsy on an enlarged lymph node in my neck. The results were not what I wanted nor what I expected but I fought this battle almost 11 years ago and I will fight it again. And I’m going to send this disease back to hell where it belongs.  This post is for me, to remind myself of who I am, to whom I belong and the price that was paid to possess my heart. I share this to remind myself when the clouds gather or my mind runs away with a lie, that my God is Jehovah Rapha –  The Lord Who Heals ME.

The first thing I have settled in my mind is that it IS God’s will to heal me and miraculous healing STILL happens today.  If I am so completely sure of the sacrifice Jesus paid to save my soul, why do I hesitate to believe that He wants to heal me also.

I don’t believe this is to teach me to endure in my faith. My faith is built on the encounters I have had with Truth and not on the bricks of my past.

I don’t believe this is to test my heart for God. I adore Him. He adores me more. My lifelong goal is know Him more each day, to be undone in His presence and experience His love and plan for me.

I don’t believe this is to build my character. My character rests on who He says I am.  And I’m pretty much a character already. 🙂

I know that I know that I know that the heart of God is good! And I believe that disease is to the body what sin is to soul. And they were both defeated at Calvary. I believe that Jesus truly lead captivity captive and that includes sickness and disease, sin and rebellion, pain and suffering.

Jesus didn’t suffer a horrific death to pay only part of the price. I believe that He paid for our restoration, complete and without reservation.  I believe we are restored to God’s original plan for us before sin entered the world. And I believe that plan is for our restoration to relationship with a God that adores us, longs for intimacy with us and craves our love. And out of that place flows everything else we need – health, abundance, and good works.

Isaiah 53. 4-5 ESV says

Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities, upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.

Here is my expanded version based on a study I’ve been doing:

Surely He has borne 

lifted, borne up, carried, taken away, carried off

our griefs

sickness, disease, grief, sadness, calamity

and carried

bore the load, dragged away

our sorrows;

pain – mental and physical, sorrow, grief 

yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was pierced

defiled, profaned, desecrated, violated, pierced through, dishonored, wounded, slain

for our transgressions;

rebellion, sin, trespass

he was crushed

broken, shattered, broken in pieces, oppressed, bruised, broken through grief

for our iniquities,

perversity, depravity, guilt, punishment

upon him was the chastisement for our well-being,

completeness, soundness, welfare, peace, safety, health, prosperity, quiet, tranquility, contentment, friendship, covenant relationship

and with his wounds

bruise, lashes, stripe, wound, blow

we are healed.

make healthful, sew together, to mend, to restore to pristine through remission of sin

My hybrid version of these verses:

He (Jesus) has taken away and carried off my sickness and disease, He has dragged away the great weight of my mental and physical pain and sorrow – yet we thought He was being punished by God. But what He was doing was being defiled, dishonored, and violated for my sin and rebellion; He was shattered and broken for my depravity and guilt; He paid the price so that I could be complete, sound, healthy, prosperous and in covenant relationship with the Father, and with every blow and through His bruises and wounds I am made healthful, sewn back together and restored to pristine condition through remission of sin.

If Jesus carried off my sickness, grief, and calamity… If Jesus took away my sin, rebellion, and transgressions against God… If Jesus lifted my depravity, guilt and punishment… If the bruises, wounds and blows purchased my completeness, soundness, welfare, peace, safety, health, prosperity, quiet, tranquility, contentment, friendship, covenant relationship… how can I not believe that His will and plan are to heal me completely and restore me to pristine through remission.

I believe that God will completely heal me not because of anything I do or don’t do (although I am doing everything I know to do to speed the process along) but because of His massive, overwhelming, completely consuming, passionate love for me. FOR ME!!!

This is the truth I stand on. This is the prayer I pray. This is the plan God has for me and I will see it come to pass.

You won’t even have to fight. Just take your positions and watch the Lord rescue you from your enemy. Don’t be afraid. Just do as you’re told. And as you march out tomorrow, the Lord will be there with you.  2 Chronicles 20:17 (CEV)


  1. Grace Cabalka

    September 8, 2014 11:40 am

    Thanks Angie. I am learning from you and praying for you.

  2. Joy Baumstark

    September 23, 2014 2:13 pm

    Amen! Praying! God is faithful! He reached out to us. We seek Him and follow. 🙂

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